Current Tunage: mewithoutYou – Tie Me Up! Untie Me!
Lyrics follow.

I’ve had quite a day already.

I was looking at the leaves
Climbing to the tops of the trees
But you were nowhere to be found,
Just beneath all the green
You were buried like a little seed
Among the roots and underground,
I was licking at the leaves
But I was in short sleeves and you -
You were like some sickness that I caught.
My sweetheart moved away,
Swept off like garbage in the alleyway…
…and I need more grace than I thought.

‘Cuz Brother, I’m far
Brother I’m far away
I’m far away, Brother…
I’m far away from everything
I’m far away,
Brother, I’m far away from everything good!

She’s like a hot cloth on a fevered head
And like a needle she leads me
(Well, I follow like thread)
Tie me up! Untie me!
All this wishing I was dead is getting old, is getting old…
It goes on, but it’s old.

I was swimming through the waves
For what must have been days
But could find no relief,
When I started sinking down
I thought for certain I would drown
Until I saw you in the ocean underneath
All the bright coloured fish
Tell of a treasure in a dull shell,
“Such subtlety, so easily missed!”
You, my hidden pearl of pure and perfect love
And I’m a living example of 100 percent the opposite of this

If I ask the same questions
Well, you say I ask the same questions
(Well maybe I repeat myself from time to time)
But if I ask the same the same questions
And they’re like “no”… but I ask the same questions
(It’s because everyone who answers me is a liar.)

She’s like a hot cloth on a fevered head
And like a needle she leads me
(Well, I follow like thread)
But you untied me – didn’t you untie me, Lord?
And now I haven’t even thought about
Killing myself in almost five months.
-mewithoutYou “Tie Me Up! Untie Me!”

Although it’s been years and years since thoughts of dying as a result of acts of my own volition danced their way through my head…

I find the same tangle of emotions runs up and floods me through whenever, by the grace of God, my sin is exposed and dealt with. Because, in many ways, it’s a re-living of a much more important death than the physical one I’ll pass through someday.

I’m thankful for these days of reminder that I am both literally and figuratively “post-suicide”.

Jesus saves me everyday, but some days I feel it much more acutely than others.