I have a bundle of news for those who don’t know me personally – namely, a bundle of Bolton that is on the way! Yes, my lovely Steph and I are happy to announce that (with God’s help) we’re in the midst of welcoming a new human being into the world. It’s one of the reasons that I haven’t been able to devote the kind of time to writing that I usually like to. The other reason is that my rebellious heart prefers distraction, abstraction, and escape to reality. So, truth be told, I’ve been much in the habit of wasting time on things far less than eternal.

So, with that said, and with my apologies implied therein… I would like to share some of what God has been teaching me through his Word as He speaks to me in the midst of the constant swirl and ebb of the circumstances of my life.

For starters, it hasn’t escaped me that for 21 weeks now, I’ve been a father. Granted, I haven’t been conscious of that for all 21 of those weeks, but increasingly as our lives already feel the weight of changes and as my wife’s abdomen swells with new life… I’m conscious of the responsibilities I now carry before God. Being a father means that, in addition to my wife and I, there is now another person for whom I am very intimately responsible. Another person, one for whose training and fathering I will answer, for whose provision I will be held to account, and to whom I must strive to be an example of the gospel in action. My daughter (assuming that the Ultrasound Technician was right – and they’re not always) or son will look to me to be an example of pastoral, godly, disciplined righteousness.

I love my daughter deeply – more with every passing day as she grows and develops and learns and changes and as God shapes and knits her together. I love my daughter, young as she is. I love her, and so many questions fill my mind:

Someone mentioned to me today that, because of how I love her, she will always be “Daddy’s Little Girl”. My head reeled. Not because I don’t treasure the thought of taking care of this little girl, nor because I really hope she doesn’t stay little. Neither was it because my hope and prayer is that she grows into a godly woman who loves Jesus Christ. No, I reeled because the thing that immediately jumped into my head was a question:

Is this Little Girl mine?

Let me explain:

How dangerous would it be to my soul if I thought she was MINE… of all things? If I believe that she is “mine” and I lose her in any of the above ways I might despair of life or betray God!

Isn’t it true that so often the line between responsibility and idolatry is very thin?
Or what about the line between love and idolatry?

I am responsible for my daughter. I love my daughter.

But she is not mine.

At my church, we’re about to start into a series in the book of James. This week we’ll be delving into the first twelve verses, which (among other things) say the following:

James 1:2-5 ESV
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

If you’ve been a Christian for some time, you probably have encountered these kinds of ideas before. After all, from Genesis to Revelation, God makes incredible good come out of incomprehensible evils. Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery and ultimately Joseph saves them from a famine many years later. David is pursued all over Israel and the surrounding areas by Saul (who is rabidly trying to murder him), and becomes a “man after God’s own heart”. Jesus, God of very God, is betrayed, spat upon, brutally beaten, and crucified… takes upon himself sin – that which he justly and righteously hates, and experiences the full Wrath of God poured out against sin… and in submitting himself on the Cross in this way makes a way for sinners to be reconciled to God.

If you’re like me, the principle makes sense: God allows and sometimes causes trials and suffering in our lives in order to refine and purify us, in order to transform us and conform us into the likeness of Jesus.

But James didn’t just say “Accept it, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds”. He said to count it all joy. Joy. In other words, James is saying “rejoice when you suffer!” and “be delighted when you go through difficulty” and “chalk it up as a sweet thing when your circumstances are sour and bitter”.

What? I understand accepting that, as Joseph said to his brothers, “you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20)… but to rejoice in suffering? How?

Let me take a stab at it, with my thanks to preachers like John Piper and Matt Chandler for crystallizing this in my thoughts lately:

Everything we have is loaned to us that we might point to and make much of Jesus Christ and him crucified. ‘The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly’ – they are all given to us or allowed to us so that in all of it we would rejoice in the Cross.

The Cross?

The Cross, through which our worst adversity becomes an instrument of God in subjecting our hearts more wholly to him!

The Cross, through which everything that would seek to destroy us serves instead to strengthen us – conforming us more and more to the likeness of Jesus!

The Cross, the greatest sin ever committed, but through which sinners are reconciled to God!

How else can we move beyond merely accepting our circumstances (especially when they constitute trials and suffering) to REJOICING in them? How else but to see God’s grace and mercy overflowing as he works through our varied and frequently terrible circumstances to accomplish the transformation of our hearts and lives?

We rejoice in adversity because the worst of circumstances is a gift from God. The worst of circumstances is the gift of a dark, painful, and evil place in which to say to a watching world (and to our rebellious hearts):

“God is enough! He is all I need! He is my life and sustenance! There is no world, no meaning, and no hope without Jesus Christ!”

I am responsible for my daughter and I love her… but she is not mine. (May God grant that I never see her as mine!) My daughter, much like every good thing that I have, is a gift from God, created and sustained by him for my joy and for His glory.

I want to share something. It’s from my English 2000: Practical Criticism & Theory prof concerning my second essay from last semester (which I just got back a week ago):

“This is much better than your first [essay] which I found almost unreadable and, frankly, not terribly interesting.”

Now, I can’t help but admire his directness. Cuts like a knife, but really makes me want to improve, especially when the course is ridiculously difficult. I should mention that I pulled an 80+ on that second paper, so it’s working. What is it about telling the truth plainly, even if it may be “harsh”, that makes it work so well? I really need to work on “telling it like it is” when the context fits… especially when facing my own sins and the need to disarm them by accountability (which, I firmly believe, is best served harshly and directly):

James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Of course, no accountability will matter unless we also are taking our sin to the Lord with an attitude of “Purge it, no matter what it takes.”:

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 32:5
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah.

One song which speaks to me concerning these realities is “Vices” by one of my favorite bands Dead Poetic. Largely, it examines what goes on when we aren’t being real with others (and God) about ourselves or our sin:

“Raise a boy to a cynic. Take his love, and then let it
Turn into something passionate… Something sick, something rabid.
And I vent to keep myself from caving.
I don’t hate you, I just hate where I’m heading.
I’m left here asking, when did I trade in
My bleeding heart for a selfish win?

Feeling cold, feeling empty. I am low, unworthy.
Bleed the god. Bleed the blessing. Like a vulture feasting.
I’ll exist as if I don’t feel conviction
of my ignorance to my perfect prison.
But I feel the stabs on my wrists and ankles every time I try…

To forget You. To forget You.”
-Dead Poetic “Vices”

As for the actual day, I had breakfast with dad – and with our coffee cups filled up with some excellent Ethiopian roast (home ground mmm) we enjoyed episodes 3 and 4 of the new season of 24. After that the usual Tuesday at school. Had company for dinner, and hung out with Steve for awhile and borrowed a bunch of his books to read while he’s in Holland. He leaves Friday so keep that in prayer. Now I’m studying 1 Peter 3 for TCF open house tomorrow, after which I have some other reading to do and such. Great day. REALLY looking forward to bootin’ it up to Orillia this Saturday with Shane to visit the pyrotechnic ruminant quadruped Gord. Should be a blast.