[malachi]

Origin: First year KLBC assignment to turn a minor prophet into a poem. I distinctly remember Digger saying how much he liked good rhyming, so I didn’t do any rhyming… free verse for the win! It’s amazing what you find buried in “C:/My Documents” sometimes…

hear my servant

[1]

a love wasted?
purposed a choice, final
not without my own reasons
though they remain enshrouded
I am beyond you

it bleeds
rivulets flowing from my altar
it bleeds lines of options:
second best at best
not what I deserve, not what I commanded
profane delivery, meaningless offering
rejected.

you play the law-keeper
spotless to irises
while inside,
you are your own whore

and despite the flow of saliva caressing my face
(finding its origin in your mouth)
my name will be glorified, for it is great
(I’ll spit you out, false priest, false follower)

and yet you mock my wrath
laughing all the way to the grave you’ve been scraping up with bare hands

my name will be extolled

[2]

I will give you a reminder:
and I will speak it through my voice
and he will write it down

blessed curses; so shall you know
they fall on you
my condemnation lies squarely on your hands, red and dripping
taste them, bitter

the spiritually deaf spiritual leader

your predecessor stood
yet you fall always
blind blinder leading blinded blind;
blind guide, repent

truth closed ears – truth closed lips
you were such a travesty of representation,
corrupter, corrupter

once few, now many

faithless infidel
infidelity your charm bracelet
once again offering up your gross abominations
cut you off, sever

more, cry
shed your saline like a blanket
does it comfort you?
relief in your downpour?
I say no
you shall suffer the benefits of this distortion
torn my pattern, fool

what you saw as purposeless
and destroyed
I saw of utmost vitality
sever you

beautiful infidelity
burn beautiful,
for she was so much more

she was you

she deserved your everything

yet you mock, and I tire

[3]

once more a messenger

the day of your reckoning beckons you
approaching at break neck speeds
there is no run
there is no shelter
game over
game over, the fire is coming
(yet i will re-establish you)

split second alteration
binge and purge… and purge
you will be cleared
but for now entranced with your misplaced fears

I am static
solid – firmed

you turn
(curses, thief)
you shift
(thief, tenth hoarder)

spectacles of
apparent escape, seeming gain
one day you will watch them die and burn

remember this,
the black lines are drawn sand lines
cutting you from mine
radiant black lines of separation

[4]

inferno morning
shave your face this day
for this day you taste napalm, death
the sand in the tree has become shards of glass
and you have become nothing

however mine bound
taking submersive flight in me
smelling your remains, ashes

a love wasted?
enshrouded, revealed in time

he is coming

cosmic shift; return

…how the [goals] can turn to ghosts before your eyes

Current Tunage: Dashboard Confessional – So Long, So Long feat. Adam Duritz of Counting Crows
It’s taken awhile, but in the end I really enjoy the new Dashboard record. I’m glad he’s gone beyond the pervasive… well… “emoness” of his early work (as much as I loved those albums). Not that it’s absent either. Whatever… it’s good acoustic folk/rock/stuff, and I still likes it. So there.

Friends,

The farther along through life I get, the more I realize how important it is to keep the goal in sight. Philippians 3:8-14 has always been one of my favorite passages, but it’s taken on a new life to me lately…

Philippians 3:8-11 (ESV) Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith– that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Everything. Without exception. Wholly, completely, and utterly. All of it – all the stuff, all the feelings, all the people, all the self-(whatever)… everything. Not only are they all “a loss” (ie. not even nothing, but Less Than Nothing) but they are “rubbish”, elsewhere translated “dung”. However, the core idea of the Greek word Skubalon, as some of my first year KLBC friends will likely remember, is most accurately rendered, in terms of intensity and vulgarity, and at least in my personal opinion, “shit”. It can be so hard to cling to sometimes, but knowing Christ compares to EVERYTHING ELSE as if it was a massive festering pile of fecal matter. Why? To be found righteous in Him, to share in His sufferings, to become like Him in His death, and to reach the line finish, the goal: the resurrection from the dead – salvation and eternity.

3:12-14 (ESV) Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

It’s a process of obtaining, it’s a struggle, press on. Don’t get stuck in regret for wasted time, but renew each day as it comes and overcome its challenges for the glory of the Lord. Strain forward to what lies ahead: the goal. It’s the only reasonable response to knowing Christ.

I guess for me, I lost sight of the goal, lost sight of those things which the Lord has placed in my heart to accomplish and be even since a young age. There are some things I’ve always known I’d grow up to be, things that for many years the Lord used to spur me on to know Him more, to seek His will, to follow all of His ways. Those who know me know that there’s also a lot of areas of my life where I still don’t have a clear direction, some are even aspects of the things I know beyond a doubt are essential to who I am and will come to pass… but that’s not (I’m discovering) a cause to lose sight of the ultimate goals that have been laid forth. Instead, those blank areas ought to be things which spur me on also, just as those things the Lord has made clear to me serve as tangible motivators to seek Him, so those things He has hidden from me for a time ought to serve as powerful motivators to chase after His ways and His will through searching the Scriptures, discourse with Him, and searching out the wisdom of those people who follow Him dearly.

It’s good to have the goals in sight again. Come along, it should be a pretty unreal sojourn.

…so unoriginal

Current Tunage: The Blindfolded Pianist – Sonic the Hedgehog 3
I think his stuff is at videogamepianist.com – basically its all the classic video game music done with a single piano… brings back memories plus its good chill out music. Some of it is crazy complicated too due to pacing and those crazy old 16-bit composers (final fantasy 6 anyone?)

So, in an effort to rip off Noah’s ideas as much as possible (and also because I never did a ‘best albums of 2005’), here are MY “Ten Albums that Changed my Life”:

01. Project 86 – “Drawing Black Lines”
If I was stuck on a desert island with one album, this would probably be it. DBL got me through high school almost single-handedly. It was the soundtrack to living, and to top it off every word screamed personal reform to me – it is an album of rebirth and true worship in many ways to me.

02. Argyle Park – “Misguided”
I have always had a passing interest in electronic music, and industrial music (which fuses metal and electronic together creatively) has always been one of my favorite genres. Not only is this album a landmark industrial album, but it also helped me to develop the ability to question *intelligently* what I believe.

03. Further Seems Forever – “The Moon is Down”
The album that got me into what would come to be known as ’emo’… also my introduction to Chris Carabba. Also the soundtrack to my 3-year relationship with a girl (insert shock and memories here).

04. Mars Ill – “Raw Material”
I’ll never forget listening to “Love’s Not” on a GAS compilation and getting hooked, then downloading 3 or 4 mp3’s with a dialup modem just to hear more. Mars Ill got me into rap/hiphop, and despite now owning everything they’ve ever released, this is probably still my favorite work of theirs. Personal challenges abound within.

05. Tonex – “Pronounced Toe-Nay”
Bought it on a whim (which I don’t do often) and it took me a good week to get into it, but otherwise I might never have gotten into jazz/blues and the whole hybrid urban music thing. One of the most diverse urban albums ever… like… I don’t play it for people often enough… but I should.

06. Deepspace5 – “The Night We Called it a Day”
If there was ever a hiphop album I’d consider a complete utter and total classic within which no weak tracks can be found, this is it. This is “hiphop complete” to me, the intro bangs, the skit bangs, and the beats are the most insane things in this world but they work so well regardless. This would be the other album I’d take to that desert isle.

07. Five Iron Frenzy – “Our Newest Album Ever!”
Yes, it is ska. But, it is FIF. FIF > You. Probably their best album ever too in some ways (though The End Is Here is close second).

08. MxPx – “Life in General”
Before Drawing Black Lines, this was the soundtrack to life. I listened through this over and over and over. I still remember flippin’ the tape I made of it in my walkman like at least 5 or 6 times a day. It was obsessive. I felt rebellious listening to it (in retrospect it isn’t even very rebellious as punk rock goes, but from my background it was I guess).

09. MeWithoutYou – “Catch For Us The Foxes”
Rarely has an album influenced my spiritual life as profoundly as Aaron Weiss and his friends on this record. Perhaps its his autistic ramblings about faith and existence, perhaps the bass guitar driven melodies that swirl around you… whatever it is its intoxicating and leaves an irremovable impression.

10. Pedro the Lion – “Control”
Control changed music for me. Control changed faith for me. Control changed literature and lyrics for me. My world hasn’t been the same since I listened through Control the first time, understood the story being told, and was convicted by it on a level that nearly parallels the way the Bible convicts me when I’m right with God.

.codE-

…fear

Current Tunage: Number One Fan – Sorry
Mellow goodness. I really like this band.

Things that I am afraid of:

You, because I haven’t told you enough
Small classrooms and large parties.
Meeting someone like her.
Living anywhere but here.
Letting people down.
Thinking about you that way again.
Ceasing to create.
Those moments when you are real to me again, in the exact same way.
Falling in love, for your sake.
Sitting still, quite silent.
Telling you how I feel, even though it’s not complicated.
Becoming unteachable.
Knowing that I’m going to regret this.
Forgetting your name.
You, because you know too much.

.codE-

[the smile, the dagger, the new]


Emulsify
seize my heart with your
Heavensong
your words

stealing me
away with your

With

that light in your
eyes
blinding on
I’m finding my soul
here in you

I’m finding everything that was once so hard

so Natural,
and I’ll love you for that

Converge
destroy my soul with your
Sirensong
your words

stealing me
away from my

From

that light in my
heart
fading off
I’m finding my death
here in you

I’m finding everything that was once me

so Foreign,
and I’ll kill you for that

you will have
Always
captured
All
of my
Both
of my
Forms, so

Come.