the blog of Jerry Bolton
Poetry
Poetry of my own composition.
[for the moments i can trust myself]
0Note: This poem sparked by good conversation with my friend Matt Cook.
I made my self a blind man
To try to calm my brain
Cut off from stimuli, visual feeds
A chance to dull the pain
I made my self a leper
To remove members I don’t need
Cut off from appendage, anchor weights
A chance to slowly bleed
I made my self a mute
To begin to heal inside
Cut off from speech, words ingrow
A chance to harvest lies
I made my self a cripple
To find how it would feel
Cut off from freedom, sweet escape
A chance to know what’s real
I made my self a servant
To learn love for a start
Cut off from form, my enemy
A chance to kill my heart
[when all i am is a monster]
0of all the words to affix to
SELF
(with a hyphen, with a dash)
the finest, most eloquent,
(the truest to life)
[is]
that faithful friend that tender enemy
DECEPTION.
[a stifling psalm]
1-
jesus tonight i’m struck by how the utter serenity of the storm’s eye is just as if not more dangerous than the razorblade winds ever were
-
jesus i can feel every vein in my body saturating with imaginary narcotics and with each passing second sedation sinks in so much deeper
-
jesus save the life of this dance because i’m within one step from complete passivity letting it die i’m not sure how to hang on and keep this alive
-
jesus sometimes you’re my breath sometimes you’re my sustenance and sometimes telling you the truth feels like tearing my heart out slowly by the arteries
-
jesus somehow i’m still going even in time of peace war was so much easier
-
[calm on ocean, pupils dilated]
0Note: This is a the third of a series. Previous work: [First]. [Second].
no need for legs,
suspended amidst the sea
and within I quiet thoughts
now exposed outside of me
I was never once alone
locked deep in heaven’s care
in submersion I find
each dream an illuminating flare
liquids and blessed oxygen;
I mediate between comfort and peace
adrift far from shores of safety
each prayer a brave release
no need for legs
in calm waves, surrendering plans
preparing adrenaline heart
in this solace of uncertain hand
[a measurement of surface tension]
3here, take this tube (for testing)
prime tales of alcohol and cotton
combined for
sterile
syringes and
(clear) plastic tubing; to puncture skin
now
(red) plastic tubing; to watch surge
one quick effortless
draw of my
lifefluids, primed (for testing)
...check my levels for indicators
let it,
take it,
bag it.
and just underneath the meniscus
you'll be surprised what
you'll find
I filled out the form correctly but
I can't figure out if these results
spell
heart disease;
bloodwork, faulty
or a
bloodtype, discovered
I'd just like to know
how much time the doctor gives me, really.
[storm in mind, shut eyes]
0Note: This is a continuation of [wind in hair, glancing offshore].
swim with both legs
afloat amidst the tide
as inside I grip these thoughts
half-hidden, barely alive
eyes shoreward, alone
locked focus in a chaos of waves
in this tempest I find
my dreams, still lit in the haze
liquids upon liquids;
I waver between trust and despair
riding this typhoon of confusion
praying hope into the air
swim with both legs
in suspension, sinking demands
adrenaline aiding survival
in this storm of uncertain hand
[confidence can be so deceptive]
0toss a couple asterisks in this query hit enter, sit back, watch the process flame everything keeps coming back the same everything keeps coming back the same and you're the only wildcard left now hit the deck, sit on my hands, watch the process flame everything keeps coming back the same everything keeps coming back the same
[the barrens, part two]
0Note: This is a continuation of [The Barrens].
it is so strange to love
while walking this snowy landscape once more
as evergreens rebirth amid the fallen
sun’s light refracting my face
finding everything i need wading in these ashes of you
you showed me all by implication
and then this snow and ash unnatural
over analysis fleeing self in small joys
snow and ash and miracles
you made me want to say
that love was just the air
well i said it for years
and now while the snow melts
and the ashes fly in the wind
i’m taking it back
[and fell the halo, of winter]
0the sky is on the ground it seems
whispering soft and endless dreams
thoughts in azure, with midnight blue
cloud-borne words, which trees grow through
trees, whose voices tender your grace
branches bearing quiet and gentle weights
the stars are leaves tonight, it’s true
each grassblade, moonbeam… speaks of you