the blog of Jerry Bolton
Poetry
Poetry of my own composition.
[escaping home]
0note that
square brackets
mean that this is
[the title]
[or a known error]
1. I ESCAPE HOME compound heart fractures resemble washroom sink fixtures (leak)
((you would NEVER have known from watching))
IT IS just. ...enough to trick me back?
we are
all grown up
we are
all thrown up
I can confess
and make such a nice mess
in my
god -less
God Bless
and make such a nice mess
in my
god -less
God Bless
2. I GATHER STONES
to rock flesh
put an end to my unholy stop-quest
and drop mesh
there’s nothing left / bereft / snare me up in a blood-vine net / head full of mysteries that I just won’t get / don’t sweat / even when the drops get / tracing designs / with intricate lines / while ultraviolet shines
dead in my tracks, everything lacks ...so pick up the slack and unwrap?
3. I LIKE FIRE
…and burning things / especially my mistakes and dreams with wings / sirens sing, so soft and low / but they won’t see it coming when their island blows / check me out children, I lit the fuse / don’t think anyone will blame me for killing my muse / shine these shoes, got a long way to run / and if my temperature is high then I’ll just blame the sun / sometimes I feel like I spoke up too soon / but the face in my mirror’s wrinkled like deflated balloons / an’ tellin’ me / I gotta stop sellin’ me / so short that my list price is like “hell, he’s free”.
Sky high Fly by
I Try -I lie I fry- I “Bye”
(then I wonder why)
a shy guy, wish that I could just erase
mario’s chuckin’ his lovely turnips in my face
I Try -I lie I fry- I “Bye”
(then I wonder why)
a shy guy, wish that I could just erase
mario’s chuckin’ his lovely turnips in my face
RE-find and… UN-wind:
BE kind and RE-DE-fine time lines.
Sudden life needs to catch its breath;
The only wreck this doesn’t resemble is death.
BE kind and RE-DE-fine time lines.
Sudden life needs to catch its breath;
The only wreck this doesn’t resemble is death.
4. I CHASE WIRE
…are you resurrecting things that never died?
[moments that make]
2sick
sick for
for i have be come so
(i have be come so)
i have be come so concerned about proving myself
to people who are not
existence / coexistence / inconsistencea completely vertical
|
|
|
incline
i want to feel that way again
i want to feel that way again
i want to feel that way again
like i have reached an end
just ice an end
just give me one more end
please call
call me on
a phone line, your blown shine; you bo vine
( a "chair/man"? )
gender neutral language neutered gender
they tes ted me some doom: TNIV-positive
you would love for this to be so easy
actually no/no actually
i would love for this to be so easy
BUT IT NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER IS
some some how
i have got to:
learn how to:
love for this.
to be so impo:
:lite.
:tent.
:sing.
:verished.
:rtant.
impo:ssible
[forgotten]
1the hammock’s out for another summer
and i wish i could share it with you again
just long enough to remember what
it all feels like because it’s been
so long since
chilly may wind whispering
sweet… nothing at all
consoling myself and my
stationary eardrums
still lingering on the memory
of words soft
and spoken
it’s a dark sky tonight
half of the starry host hide
the other half wear a smirk
probably not directed at me
(i wish i could remember who you are)
sunlight and shivering accompany waking up
clutching a head aching this morning
with a pang-agony that coffee can’t fix
and neither can you, sky blue memory
[a faith of crisis]
4a)dearest friends:
twenty degrees centigrade / stereo on deep space mind race / sunny and clear with sincere / weather mirroring mind mirroring meditations (of you) / true, you know i’m a false set / i just don’t know it yet / soon though, this growth will begin to show signs of cancers / instead of my supposed answers / everything was just alright / it was cloudless or bright / sit and play jaded a few times / while this mouth spits a few lines / saliva curdling wonder of a never-ending monologue / proceeding out of this child, a delusional demagogue / and all the lines that i wrote / are all the words that i choke
b)capitalized father:
self-direct everything
i am disaster disaster disaster (magic)
a soulmate-atheist,
for you see she’s unseated you
in my attempt at skepticism
(and become some kind of horrific deity in the process)
i am disaster disaster disaster (magic)
a soulmate-atheist,
for you see she’s unseated you
in my attempt at skepticism
(and become some kind of horrific deity in the process)
that one drive in march was all i had left
as the omens began to bleed into delusions
it’s all so out of joint (ruptured)
could you make sense of all this
how can one plus one equal zero
for the first time in history
(was it you who elected me mathematician)
hey, it’s all caved in like my lungs want to be
could you save me from saving me
(for someone i don’t believe exists)
c) …lover:
chasing you is like catching butterflies
and every time i think i’ve snatched you
i slip and touch the wing
(crippling crippling crippling… and killing flight)
and every time i think i’ve snatched you
i slip and touch the wing
(crippling crippling crippling… and killing flight)
on second thought
it’s comforting to remember that right now
the only thing sweeping you off your feet is the wind
[joy (suicide by reading)]
4word, come alive again
cut me on the outside
split bone, split marrow
leave my whole body hacked
cut me on the outside
split bone, split marrow
leave my whole body hacked
word, come down heavy
crush me on the inside
infinite weight, infinite p.s.i.
leave my whole skeleton cracked
—
word, come in quick
impale me in the heart
gouge ventricle, gouge valve
leave my whole core bloodless
—
word of god, come
come alive
come down
come in
garrote, mutilate, flay, shred, rake
begin endless cycle of whatever it takes
—
beautiful violence:
there is nothing brighter,
nor happier
nothing more worthy of my rejoicing
than to be killed by you -
word of god;
—
speak and destroy me
[altar of a thousand killings]
0Call me a fool,
But I believe in:
Redemption
Reconciliation,
and Grace.
(They happen to me every single day.)
Call me a fool,
But the words:
I’m sorry
And the return:
Apology accepted
(Never meant more than they did today.)
Forgiveness is freedom made tangible. I won’t forget.
[predator, parasite, and princess]
1
(predator)
I’ll feed off myself, with this knife
(please leave me be)
And drain all my blood, the life.
(please, please make me free)
I’ll play you every song I know…
(your precursors, oh little bee)
Scraped and snared, a smiling glow!
(please stick your stinger into me)
And with your venom in my veins,
(as you writhe in lethal postpartum, see)
A murder-suicide you had often feigned.
(somehow the reds of this wound won’t bleed)
(parasite)
And as I continue to suck myself dry,
(until I’m little more than waste)
I’ve learned the wonderful, terrible secret:
(called going it alone – solo ipsemet)
I’m finally getting the hang of it!
(bit by bit by bit by bit by bit)
So you can just take your sweet time.
(take your sweet smile, your sweet gaze)
Take your sweet kisses,
(your sweet bed)
and keep them leagues away.
(keep them shed)
like
skin
you
snake
(princess)
Beloved,
If in negative space you can see me
(in other words, read in-between the parallel lines)
You might perceive a recurring image of medical trauma
(of blood, of flat-lines, of menisci, of a warm womb)
Oh, treacherous veins betray this self-murderous stone
(if it could just stop beating: stop beating)
Long enough to suck you out of me
(and once a mouth-full, spit you out)
I want you out of my system so that I can call you:
Beloved.
[i live in a world of words]
1i live in a world of words
where the wholeness of all things
is coloured by the touch of thoughts
portrayed in lines of inks
every sound’s a typist’s stroke
every smell the waft of toner warm
and as each experience assembles
stanzas texturize its very form
each sight drips with punctuation
grammar forms the waves of light
pencil scribbles equate with breathing
and spraypaint tags on every fight
memories are in italics
and the future is in bold
all caps are for the present
even when life seems on hold
i live in a world of words
with letter coatings, all things blessed
and every surface is completely naked
unless clothed modestly in text
[inverse midas]
0try to make you gold
but instead I make you bleed
I cannot trust myself when
harm comes to all I need
with a head full of words
and a heart full of lies
I cannot trust myself when
every thing that I touch dies