Current Tunage: The Smashing Pumpkins – 1979
I’ve had their Greatest Hits record on rotation this aft and it’s been quite enjoyable.

I’ve been putting this post off for about a month now, and today I feel up to it. I’m not sure what makes today any different from other days, but I’m past due. I guess it’s taken so long because I’ve always tried to keep this blog free of things which could harm other people, and by necessity that always meant any overt or outright mentioning of persons I might have been interested in was out of the question. This, however, is much different… and not just because the interest is mutual for once.

I’m “seeing someone”. I never know what the correct terminology is anymore, since everyone and their great-grandmother throws around words like “official” and “dating” and “courting” and “going out” and all other manner of “uhh guys don’t they all mean whatever you want them to, anyway?”. So yeah… humans and their beyond-friendship-relationships. Silly. The essential idea, though, is figuring out if we should spend a rather significant portion of our lives together (ie. the whole thing).

This, of course and quite expectedly, has made for some interesting mental gymnastics as I’ve had to re-learn how to think in terms of the us instead of the me. Which I realize regrettably sounds a bit like George Orwell’s groupthink. It’s also meant a good deal of rethinking my mishmash plans for the next few years since I can no longer bank on being free to waste my time and money as I deem worthy… those sorts of things. All in all, a pretty good turn of events, I’d say. So far I’m rather enjoying it, though now that I’ve said all that I realize there are a multitude of hurdles left to jump which have and haven’t crossed my consciousness yet.

I ran into Steph a couple times while I was interning in Toronto in July, but I didn’t really get to know her until August, after leaving. My initial impression when I first met her was something along the lines of a “synapse-collapse”… wondering “WHY HASN’T MY BRAIN IMPLODED WHEN FACED WITH SUCH BEAUTY!?”. Of course, that’s just the proverbial “tip of the iceberg”, and I discovered a lot of other really incredible qualities as I got to know her better. Steph feels poetry, writing, and music – and not a lot of people really do. She’s skilled at creating all three of them as well, so we’ve been able to share a lot of that in common (editing each other’s work, sharing particularly excellent songs to delve into, and so on). One of the biggest draws for me, though, was just how easy it is to connect with her. Even though my ability to communicate continues to grow and expand, it will probably always be somewhat difficult for me to really connect with most people on a meaningful, personal level without it being marred a bit by awkwardness. Being able to just hang out and talk for hours and not have it be tension-filled or traumatic or drama-city or just… difficult… is not something I’m used to, and certainly something I’m learning to treasure.

Among other things, I’ve concluded that Steph is mildly delusional since that is clearly the only explanation for her agreeing to take things beyond a friendship (yes, that’s some sarcasm for those of you who don’t pick up on such things). I think she’s pretty awesome, to say the least.

I’ve been surprised to discover I don’t really miss faking cynicism and bitterness toward all females. It was fun while it lasted, though.

So yes, any prayer support you can offer is much appreciated. Wisdom, employment, some lingering idea of what I want to do with myself after Trent, all those sorts of things. Life is a strange and unpredictable thing, ain’t it? Thank God.